Speaking truth for men

Stopping the stigma around male survivors of abuse or trauma

There is one characteristic shared by nearly all mass killings that no one ever seems to talk about

There is one characteristic shared by nearly all mass killings that no one ever seems to talk about: the complete lack of a viable exit plan. Occasionally we see some evidence of a perpetrator planning to get away from the initial scene, but this usually represents an attempt to prolong the killing spree as opposed to a realistic effort to escape. The simple truth is that most of these guys do not plan to survive. While there actions are certainly criminal, their motives are unlike those of most other criminals. At their most basic level these acts represent an elaborately planned but nevertheless desperate attempt to force the rest of the world to recognize the pain that these men feel inside.

Now people want to argue about whether this is terrorism or mental illness, as if the two are mutually exclusive. They are not. Anyone who commits suicide and especially those who choose to take innocent people with them, is highly likely to have at least one diagnosable mental disorder. In fact a majority of psychological autopsies reveal multiple, co-morbid disorders. There is no reason to believe that those who claim they are acting to further some religious or political cause are very different from those who simply decide that they hate the world and want to go out, “In a blaze of glory.”

The most recent numbers I’ve seen show that approximately 1 in 5 adults has a mental health condition. Nearly half of them, never receive treatment. Roughly 2/3 of us experience some form of significant childhood adversity. Most of us never get help. More than 96% of the mental health beds that we once had, have been eliminated. Even for those with access to mental health care, the social stigma that surrounds mental illness causes untold millions to deny their illness and avoid treatment.

Some of the greatest advances in public health have come from teaching basic hygiene like washing your hands. There is little doubt that a serious effort to teach mental health hygiene (like coping skills to help reduce stress) could have an enormous positive impact. Of course, any kind of mental health program will cost money, but maybe we could re-allocate some of the money that we spend to blow people up or lock people away in prisons. The bottom line is that we all need to get serious about mental health and we need to make sure that our elected officials know that we’re serious.

How many more of us have to die before society finally gets its shit together?

I didn’t know Chester Bennington but I know the lingering effects of childhood sexual abuse.

I didn’t know Chester but I’ve felt some of the same pain that he felt.

I didn’t know him but I’ve known the desperation that drives so many of us to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.

I’ve known the loneliness and isolation that comes with our need to keep the secret…A need imposed upon us by a dysfunctional society.

I’ve known the anger.

The helplessness.

The shame and guilt 

And I’ve known the feeling that no one hears you, that no one sees your pain.

Chester Bennington, the singer of Linkin Park, in June. Credit Kiko Huesca/European Pressphoto Agency, Retrieved 7/22/17 from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/20/arts/music/chester-bennington-linkin-park-dead.html

 But…

I also know the joy that comes with healing 

And I know that Chester felt some of that joy, because he talked about it in interviews. I only wish he could have felt more of it.

My deepest wish is for all of my brothers and sisters to experience that joy.

Childhood sexual abuse doesn’t only affect a specific group of people. It affects everyone. With roughly 1 out of 5 children being sexually abused before the age of 18, chances are you interact with survivors every single day…and you may not even know it.  You see us at work, at your kid’s school, at the restaurants and the shopping malls…everywhere. 

Please get involved in ending the scourge of sexual abuse. Learn about trauma. Take time to be kind to each other. If you can’t get involved in a hands-on way, donate to groups that can. Thescriptconference.com  is a great place to start. There are lots of different ways you can help. In the coming weeks and months, I’ll be writing about many of them at speakingtruthformen.com.

News isn’t all bad

I am overwhelmed by the irony that I see in the events of the past few days. While Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, and five police officers in Dallas were killed at least in some significant part, due to race; I was at SCRIPT, an event that highlights the ways in which people, regardless of race can join in a spirit of love and compassion to solve society’s problems together.

One of the features that makes SCRIPT special is the diversity of its participants. Our panel discussions often include gang intervention workers (usually former gang members, themselves) seated alongside senior law enforcement officials and representatives from the mayor’s office. People of all races, from every walk of life come together at SCRIPT to work on the real issues plaguing our communities on a daily basis.

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How many more victims need to be re-traumatized?

brock-turner-1-435Recent events in the case against Brock Turner ignited a firestorm of public outrage that has spread even to the highest levels of government. As a survivor of sexual assault and as an advocate other survivors, I say it’s about time.

It’s about time we take a serious look at the messages we send to survivors, to perpetrators and to society at large when, with callous indifference, our legal system singles out certain perpetrators for preferential treatment. While some offenders are punished with appropriate severity, others are given barely a slap on the wrist. This disparity makes it nearly impossible to avoid questions like: Continue reading

REALLY AWESOME NEWS!

MSanduskyREALLY AWESOME NEWS!
SCRIPT is happy to announced that Matt Sandusky will be speaking at this year’s event.

Matthew Sandusky, Founder and Executive Director of Peaceful Hearts Foundation, was a victim of childhood sexual abuse from the age of 8 to 17 at the hands of his adopted father, Jerry Sandusky. Matthew is working to turn his traumatic personal experience into a mechanism to prevent childhood sexual abuse and help other survivors heal. Continue reading

SCRIPT News – April 2016

IMG_20160416_122635570_HDRSCRIPT Conference Director, Dr. Debra Warner, was honored by the California Psychological Association (CPA) for her tireless efforts on behalf of CPA.

IMG_2119

IMG_20160415_081723140_HDRAs an added bonus, Dr. Warner was also able to meet one of her favorite entertainers, Howie Mandel, who was helping CPA promote its annual conference.

 

 

We are all Individual A

Blue logo smallWhy didn’t he tell anyone?

I’ve heard the question countless times. It’s a question I asked myself for years. When I explain that men take an average of about 20 years or more to disclose sexual abuse (if they ever disclose it at all) someone almost always asks, “why?” Continue reading

5 Kids were killed today 

Blue logo smallIf this was an average day, then in the US, five children died today due to abuse or neglect. You won’t hear about it on news. You won’t see everyone on Facebook changing their profile pics because of it. Nevertheless, five innocent children are dead. You can say, “that’s so sad,” and go back to your own business or you can help do something about it.

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