Stress kills. Researchers have found correlations between chronic stress and nearly all of the major causes of death in the United States. Initially the mechanisms by which stress leads to disease were poorly understood. Recent advances in several fields however are beginning to fill in some of the blanks. Neuroscience research for example has shown us that those who endure the type of chronic stress associated with child abuse show size differences in various brain structures as well as functional differences in the pathways that connect brain structures. Discoveries from the study of epigenetics show that psychological trauma actually causes changes to certain genes and that those changes can still be seen in subsequent generations. Temporary stress of the type we all experience occasionally as the result of a bad day does not appear to generate lasting physical changes. Chronic stress however, has serious developmental implications and gravely threatens our long-term health.
People can experience chronic stress from many sources. These include child abuse, combat, police work, poverty, or living in an area where violent crime is commonplace. A potential source of chronic stress that has received little attention in academic research is the burden of keeping a secret. On a personal level I can attest to the fact that living with the secret of my childhood sexual abuse was a major source of stress for me. I kept the secret for nearly thirty years and for most of those thirty years I was what you might describe as a walking bundle of nerves. That all changed for me a few years ago when I decided to stop keeping the secret.
While the body of research on stress and secret keeping is sparse, there have been some studies on the subject. Researchers have found evidence for what they have called the pressure cooker effect, caused by conflicting desires abut whether to disclose the secret or continue to keep it hidden. Some studies have shown that the stress of secret-keeping can even alter our perceptions (making distances seem farther and causing hills to look steeper). There is also evidence to support that publicly disclosing secrets brings about greater relief than disclosures that are kept relatively private.
Based on my own experience, the research mentioned certainly rings true. I first told of my experiences privately. After three separate disclosures (two of which did not go very well) I began to feel some relief but only a bit. Eventually I came to the realization that I just couldn’t keep caring about who knew. When I finally began to talk openly about what had been done to me I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from me. I can’t say it was easy. It was probably the scariest thing I have ever done but also the most empowering. It’s ironic that I spent all those years trying to protect myself by keeping the secret. Now that there is no secret I feel safer and more confident than ever.